Fastball Express Inc.

Eclipse Phase #1 - Face/Off

We had a simple introductory session where the Fastball Express crew rescued the director of the Martian Geological Society from the cultists of the Church of Cydonia.

Eclipse Phase #2 - Erotic Adventures

A small simple capture escaped convicts mission for Kay, Quill and
Bill Jr.

Copypasta from Kai’s post:

“Until cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without men, and the land is utterly desolate…”

Yesterday Dawn, Adrian and I foiled a prison break from the Tartarus mining colony, finding that my character’s mad criminal genius father William Sr had taken over the Tartarus mass driver and launched multiple capsules out to various locations. We found the anarchist drug farm on 433 Eros had been infiltrated by escaped convicts, and after a harrowing space journey in which Dawn’s character nearly drove mine mad with petting and pickpocketing, we got to work. The local law enforcement on Eros seemed suspicious, so Adrian got to sneaking around access tunnels and air ducts, I got to hacking local networks, and Dawn got to falling down elevator shafts at terminal velocity and hitting the bottom rather hard. Between us we managed to uncover the convict infiltration and put an end to it, although William Sr remains at large…

Eclipse Phase #3 - The First Michelangelo Job

GM Notes:
“My mother bore me in the southern wild,
And I am black, but oh my soul is white!
White as an angel is the English child,
But I am black, as if bereaved of light. "

This session is just a little art heist job on the moon.

Indestructible space dogs!

Betsy Braddock seduction via MIND BLAST.

Moon marathons.

Eagle transporters!

Lots more wrongness.

Adrian, I think you should change your PC’s Background to Uplift or Infolife at the rate you’re going…

Kai’s Notes:
Kay cratered, but didn’t die. Good Lordy.

Billy Cable nearly almost got used as a roll-on sex drug applicator. I wish.

And Quill aka “Quellcrist” might as well go solo, she might do better without us cramping her style. Maybe she can carry the paintings out herself. They’re lighter on the Moon, and she could use the workout.

Eclipse Phase #5 - Accounting for Warbot

Kai’s Notes:
After the rather hectic theft of the Sistine Chapel ceiling at Shackleton Crater on Luna, the Fastball Express headed back to Martian Trojans space in order to deliver their cargo. Hokusai spacewalked, admired the Chapel sections strapped on the outside of the ship, and did some painting of his own. Billy learned medicine in a crash virtual course. Kay downloaded specs for new armor mods for the others. Quill made cranes in her lifeboat.

But someone sent a ship in hot pursuit.

In retrospect, Billy Cable thought, there are only two kinds of space chases, if they don’t want to outright kill you. Either they can outthrust your ship and can evade your weapons, in which case there’s a boarding action, or they can’t in which case it’s short and boring.

It was not short and boring.

The pursuing ship sent a boarding pod on the tip of a chem rocket to ram into us. We accidentally popped off a lifeboat while trying to weaponize it, and watched it get blown apart by a missile launched by our pursuers. Despite Bishop, Kay and Hokusai’s attempts to intercept the pod with the Eagle Lander, we got hit in the cargo bay and boarded by a big bad warbot.

Our team had to throw everything they had at it to stop it. Once again, Bishop got shot up badly enough to wish he had medichines installed.

We had the Fastball Express depressurized before the fight so that everyone was in pressure suits…except our resident headcase Quill, who was in her lifeboat. When the warbot seemed to be winning, Billy blew the door on the lifeboat, depressurizing it and filling the main cargo bay with paper cranes in a failed attempt to blind warbot. But after the cranes blew in, they got sucked back out of the cargo bay almost immediately. So that was a spectacular fail.

Nevertheless our team managed to throw enough firepower at warbot to bring it down. We checked it with smart dust and Kay broke it down for consumption, and there was no further pursuit. Billy stabilized the wounded Bishop. Kay regenerated from damage pretty quick. Quill probably survived too. :)

And the Fastball Express team was able to make it to their rendezvous with the Martian Church reps at the Trojans.

In the aftermath, team members had neurachem installed and Verlian made plans with Billy to leverage their newfound “rogue hypercorp” status by trying to make secret contacts with various Martian hypercorps to take on black ops jobs.

And within the shot-up interior of the Fastball Special, the paper cranes continued to float around randomly in Brownian motion…

GM’s Notes:
Quill: “If I make one million cranes, I will get a wish granted!
999,997… 999,998…”

Cable: “Million Crane Striking Prana!”



Kay : “…”

Verlian : “…”

Hokusai : “…”

Bishop : <dies>

Cable : “…”

Warbot : <dakkadakkadakkadakka>

Eclipse Phase #6: How Much Is That Sotong In The Window?

How much is that sotong in the window,
The one with the waggely arms?
How much is that sotong in the window,
I do hope we save him from harm!

Qing Long, the O’Neill colony located at the Martian Greek Lagrange Point. This was the site of the Fastball Express’ latest escapades. Bishop Six and Quill were just recovering from some neural modifications when Billy Cable called them to inform them that Hokusai had gone missing. He’d been gone for three hours and had yet to return to the ship. Together with Kay, the teammates began throwing out calls to various criminal and autonomist contacts in the colony, hoping to hear something about octopoid kidnappings. After all, Hokusai had mentioned having some enemies with the Nine Lives.

The investigation hit a dead end, it seemed, until Quill miraculously managed to open doors that nobody else could. Funny how that seems to happen when she gets involved.

She used her ego hunter contacts to get in touch with a soul market trader named Diego, who seemed to be in the market for just the right kind of mollusc.

Billy came up with a horrifically convoluted cover for himself as his own father inside the body of a child prostitute, and went to the trouble to film a video of himself being beaten up and tied up by his teammates. “Obadiah Stane, you did not tell us that you wanted us to capture the famous Tony Stark -” oh wait wrong show. “Gandalf, oh where are you?!? -” oh wait wrong show.

Anyway Quill managed to pique Diego’s interest in buying Billy’s ass. Somehow. They set up a meeting at the Skyride stadium in the center section of the colony cylinder, where Diego had his office. Billy got the blueprints for the stadium from some terrorist contacts he’d met in a fanfic forum at some point, so they had an easy way in. While Kay and Bishop infiltrated via air ducts (which were NOT trapped with lasers) Quill played Mjolnir with Billy on a leash, tossing him ahead of her and following along on his momentum, all the way to the meeting with Diego.

Which Quill promptly aced by hacking Diego’s brain using leet mental powers. Once again, miraculous and quite creepy to her teammates who didn’t know how she did it. He just talked, blabbed everything about Sally Slick, majordomo of the Nine Lives organization, putting a price
out on Hokusai’s head and about to collect him, too. He even conveniently forgot about everything that had just happened, moments later. Odd, that!

Hokusai was being held at Extra Super Tanker, a floating supertanker restaurant located in the Hong Kong Harbour-like body of water located hundreds of meters below the Skyrise, on the main inner surface of the cylinder. Only 15 minutes until Sally arrived to buy Hokusai. No time to waste – the entire team exfiltrated the Skyrise by JUMPING DOWN!

Bishop rode Kay, who could fly. Quill and Billy used their smart clothes to form Combat Pterodactyl Suits. They chewed their Lizard Boom Sticks and glided down silently to the supertanker. Meanwhile, Bishop, who had gotten there first, quizzed the restaurant staff in suspicious detail about any sapient octopi they might have in stock.

Then Quill waltzed in and had a quick word with the management at the restaurant, who suddenly became very cooperative and became willing to sell Hokusai over to us. Billy found the octopus stunned or drugged in a fish tank and got him the frak out of there and over the side of the
ship just minutes before Sally was due to arrive, and the others made themselves scarce too. Sure, they’d been seen on camera, but Billy had a plan to deal with that, if he could just get a little time to plan an intimidating call to Sally.

He didn’t get that chance. After everyone swam clear of the restaurant, they regrouped back on dry land just in time to hear of the latest live AR game fad sweeping the colony: Hunt The Fastball Express Crew, 10,000 creds per head!

Obviously to be continued.

Eclipse Phase #7 - (How Do You Solve A Problem Like) Maria

Eclipse phase trio vacsuit

Kai’s Notes:
This was a great session even with only 3 players. Fastball Express saved out of the men’s room in Qinglong thanks to Hansel and his partner, deadly killers of the Kinder Kartel.

The Von Trapp family of the Kartel hired us to recover their fabled mentor Maria, in exchange for help getting off Qinglong safely. While Quill, Kay, Verlian and Diz had their own tasks, Bishop, Hokusai and Billy (cosplaying as Super Deformed Char’s Gelgoog) went for a walk on the outside of the colony cylinder and snuck into an Ochre Society cryo facility, where they battled a crew of guards with blazing neurochem-enhanced gunplay, or in the case of Billy, harsh words and a Dazzler.

Billy got shot something nasty and does not remember much of what happened next but they did get out alive. With Maria.

Someone else should do a more datailed report.

GM’s Notes:
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear
She waltzes on her way to Mass
And whistles on the stair
And underneath her wimple
She has curlers in her hair
I even heard her singing in the abbey

She’s always late for chapel
But her penitence is real
She’s always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maria’s not an asset to the abbey

I’d like to say a word in her behalf
Maria makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I’m with her I’m confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
She’s as flighty as a feather
She’s a darling! She’s a demon! She’s a lamb!

She’d outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
She could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
She is gentle! She is wild!
She’s a riddle! She’s a child!
She’s a headache! She’s an angel!
She’s a girl!

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

Eclipse Phase #8 - Darkwing Duck and the Case of the Colonel's Secret of Eleven Herbs & Spices

Kai’s Notes:
After the unprofitable fiasco on Qing Long, which the crew barely got out of with their skins intact, it was time to get away from it all…in the Outer System. The Fastball Special docked at Extropia, the free haven where hypercorps could rub shoulders with anarcho-capitalists, where a new body or a microgravity steak dinner could be had…for the right price.

First things first: the team refreshed their backups. Just in case. Then Billy treated his teammates to said steak dinner in a restaurant where the cows came floating in giant tanks like the fishtanks in seafood restaurants back on Qing Long. After dinner, he turned to the business of finding new business for Fastball Express.

Billy’s old autonomist contact Dave hadn’t changed much. Dave had a proposition for the crew: steal a secret recipe from a neo-avian colony called Lexington, located on the asteroid Mr Spock. Said colony was guarded by the infamous mercenaries known only as the Iron Chefs, who were led by the enigmatic Colonel. The prize was a recipe dating back to Pre-Fall Earth: The Secret of Eleven Herbs and Spices for a fried chicken dish.

The team did some research on the matter and dug up an eyewitness report of the Iron Chefs’ attack on some Barsoomian moisture farmers on Mars. The witness excitedly related how “cool” and “awesome” the armor-suited Iron Chefs were as they destroyed his home and killed him and his family (his stack was later recovered, of course).

Asteroid Spock looked like a daunting target, since it would be hard to blend in with the neo-avian locals. However, once the team found out about the colony’s supply schedule, Billy toyed with the idea of sending in a single operative to perform reconnaissance. If they just got a single neo-avian sleeve for the infiltrating team member, the operation would be a “Go.”

Billy tried to get Dave to cover the costs of the neo-avian body by appealing to his most cherished fantasies. Went something like this: “Dave, you’re still wearing that Wesley Crusher sleeve, I see. I happen to have found a long-lost beta fork of Marina Sirtis in a salvaged data core…I’ll have her sleeved in a hot body and give you an evening with her if you can provide us that neo-avian sleeve.”

Then, to Quill: “I’ve got a mission for you…” (explains)

Quill: “Who’s Deanna Troi???”

Billy: “A pre-Fall science fiction character also known as Counselor Cleavage.”

Quill, masquerading as the fork of Marina Sirtis, met Dave at the steakhouse, both of them in Star Trek costumes. Dave wanted to indulge in his snuff fantasy of slowly throttling the life out of -

- then Quill turned on the psychic mojo. She hacked his brain pretty thoroughly leaving only a hypnotic desire to give us what we wanted and to forget the horrific mental trauma she had just inflicted upon him.

Now, the team had a raven-feathered neo-avian sleeve. But who would wear it on this dangerous solo mission? Bishop-Six, with his infiltration specializations, would seem to be the logical candidate. “It’s just a reconnaissance misson,” they told him, as he underwent the mentally strenuous resleeving process…

Some time later, the neo-avian tourist arrived at Lexington, armed with only his wits and a number of entirely legal devices and tools. After a quick tour of the colony, using his new ability to fly in low gravity, Bishop learned that most of the colony was perfectly normal and open to tourists, with the exception of the facility at the very far end of the cylinder, which was guarded by a contingent of Iron Chefs, as one might expect.

After looking into the best possible infiltration route, Bishop recontacted us and asked for further instructions. Cable naturally betrayed all of Bishop’s trust by ordering him to move in for immediate infiltration of the Iron Chef facility. Meanwhile, the Fastball Special approached Mr Spock, launching Kay as an independent flying object designed to distract Iron Chef patrols and draw them away. Kay went to his duties with great relish, ejecting from the ship with a metallic “GERONIMO!”

Bishop stood before the guarded door, feeling more vulnerable than he had in a long time. After all, he was in a new body, without any neurachem or other combat enhancements, and he was supposed to snatch the two guards’ guns and use them to blast his way through all resistance. He had the element of surprise, but not much else. His new feathered body seemed to move in slow motion compared to his regular Ghost form. He launched his ambush with deadly bursts of submachine gun fire…ripping into the Iron Chefs…and somehow, despite the odds, he succeeded!

(interlude: Somewhere, the duckling son of the dead merc asks his mom “where’s Dad? He promised he’d be here for my birthday. He promised…”)

By now the rest of the team had arrived, dispatched from the Fastball Special to help Bishop once he had gained access to the vault. With Kay’s distraction and the customary brilliant hacking skills of Cable, nothing could stop the team, as they prepared to open the vault lock…

…which was, amazingly, non-electronic. In fact, it was made of dumb matter. An old-fashioned combination lock. “But how do we hack it?” wondered Cable, dumbfounded. Quill tapped once more into her psi power, using Pattern Recognition to understand the inner workings of the lock. She just barely managed to open the vault, which swung open to reveal an old-fashioned piece of paper with the Eleven Secret Herbs And Spices recipe! Mission Accomplished, and so we buggered off out of there!

Back safe and sound in his main sleeve, Bishop would not let Cable forget. “Just a recon mission? You call that just a recon mission?!?” We all had a good laugh.

Eclipse Phase #9 - Ten Thousand Orcs

Quill’s Notes:

Quill’s Diary, Day 1500 AE [AE – Quill’s personal time-keeping, meaning classified]

Zora called, y’know the one with the snake fetish? I like her! She’s cool in a freakish kinda way and I mean it’s just reptiles! Unlike some of the others. Don’t ask. She’s like “omg Quill!!! I was like so TALKING to Roy (omg phonesexors?!) when he suddenly just went like
‘…’ and when I called again like he won’t pick up and it seems like he just went poof and I’m like worried and stuff and like Priss isn’t picking up my calls either (maybe she’s a jealous b*tch coz of the phone stuff) but like just in case, go check it out, kthxbai!” Or something along those lines. I think.




Oh, what? Oh yeah, she said she’ll pay too. Like, one way. Look, she dances with snakes for a living, she isn’t making that much. Is she?



<blinks> Oh, is this thing still on? <clears> So we went to Mars, and then Doggy says he can’t go the normal way coz he’s like, the weapon of mass destruction, so we found some people to take us down to Barsoom. Baaaaaaaarsooooooooooooommew? Oh, I’m Parker now. Say ‘Hi PARKER!!!!’ Hehehehehehe… Anyways we tried talking to people and stuff but little boy ends up pissing up his @-friends and I was laughing SOOOO hard. But then I tried talking to my big bad g-friends and they don’t like me either! So mean… :รพ I called the police and they told us THREE people were killed and had their brains fried. o_O So scawy!!! I wonder…

Then doggy wants to go swimming, and said he knows someone who lives by the river. We went and there was this big fancy house and a crazy chick who was suntanning (omg, like, RADIATION!?!) and said her name’s Mitsuba. Then she like, omg, said she’s Doggy’s wife… (ex-wife?) and
they have 10 kids! Wow!!! Like, I wanted to ask doggy about it, but he went swimming and all you could see was one eye. So Doggy’s wife says she’ll ask the HEAD OF POLICE (OMG!!! she has him on SPEED DIAL!?!) and like, we gots the info and I got so sad… coz it was really Roy And Priss too. And Nene!!!


We got access to 3D crime scenes and I tried to like, do a CSI thing, but other than the fact that they all died at home (except Nene, who died at the club where she worked) and had their brains and cortical stacks fried, there doesn’t seem to be any other clues. Oh, and whoever did it must be known to them, or is like, a ghost who snuck in and zapped them… I feel so sad. All my friends!!! So we decided to go to the club and ask questions, coz like, Nene was working when she died.

Doggy’s wife said she’s send her secretary/assistant/whoever called Angela to take us to this club. So like, we went to the club, and like uhm… I’m sleepy…

Eclipse Phase #10 - Sons of Ten Thousand Orcs

Kai’s Notes:
We visited the recreational disease club and asked around about Nene’s death. We got imagery of a suspicious man who had been seen with her, so Billy called upon his autonomist friends on @-list to find the man. All he had to offer was a rep prize and “an evening with Marina Sirtis’ last surviving beta fork.” Worked like a charm.

Quill’s former sibling Solo was staying in a bad part of town, in a sort of “walled city” where even a simple hacked janitor robot can’t survive very long. We took the stolen Barsoomian truck to the Walled City, and Adrian’s flexbot options came in handy again as Kay transformed into Rosie The Maidbot.

Quill and Billy went in to talk to Solo, and he managed to keep them off guard and completely clueless all the way until his buddy the sniper started firing from the next building with FREAKING HOMING ROUNDS. Quill got shot and Solo also managed to psychically blast us pretty badly. Outside, “Angela” called for help from the truck and the local SWAT, and Kay went roof jumping in order to battle the sniper. Despite getting gunned to within an inch of his mechanical life, Kay managed to decapitate the sniper, while Billy and Quill managed to keep getting themselves hurt again and again. Fun stuff. We were lucky to make it out of there intact, and with very little to show for it, except for what Solo himself had told us: It all goes back to the Cognite hypercorp…





GM’s Notes:
Man, that ship was filled with orcs. By the boatload, literally.

Also, bullet vs missile. WTF.

Also, surprise cameo by BJ & the Bear.

Kai’s Notes:
’Twas a good game!

The missile sniping thing happened in my Gunslinger Girl PBP once -
Cyborg with sniper rifle vs UAV-launched missile. Cyborg won.

Adrian’s new Nerf gun provided pew pew!

What, a full report? Hold on, pls.


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